Right now there's a hole in my heart.

Nikola Trumbo

She died on April 23, 2018.  I found out about her death just as I was sitting down to write her an email.  She started out as my therapist and eventually I was honored to call her my friend.  She and her partner moved from Pasadena to Seattle and I clearly understood that we could have no contact for two years because that's the way it has to be between therapist and client.  However, she did give me her address and a photograph to serve as transitional objects and to be available in case of emergency primarily because during the several years I was her client I had quite a few emergencies.   I also understood that she would not contact me.  If contact were to be made, it would necessarily come from me.  I didn't contact her for over two years and then I reached out just to say hello.  She responded just to say hello back and then we began to correspond.  She commented on my writing and so it went until the morning I sat down to write what would have been my last email.  Maybe I should have sent it anyway because I don't really understand how these things work - these life and death things.  Niki Trumbo stood for things and spoke out on behalf of things.  She was a fierce advocate for social justice.  It seemed logical that she would be because her father, the writer Dalton Trumbo, was blacklisted during the McCarthy era and spent time in prison. She knew first hand the price paid for political gain. She also knew first hand that this country has been through hard times before.  She consulted on the recent film "Trumbo" and ultimately felt pleased with the result.  She was also a fierce advocate for saving the planet because, after all, it's the only home we've got.  I learned so much from her  and hopefully I have been able to share some of those learnings with the people who come to me for help.  And in the words of Niki Trumbo, what's the use of learning something if we don't share it.  Just knowing she existed was a comfort.  After the sadness leaves and the hole in my heart fills with all the joy surrounding me, I will take comfort in remembering her voice and the wisdom given to me by that voice.