Infomercial Miseries

I was having trouble sleeping last night, so I was just lying on the couch flipping channels. I paused on a commercial, which commanded, “Forget everything you know about kitchen knives!” So I did. And, I gotta tell you, it really was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me knives, and I just lay there, dumbstruck, because I didn’t have clue what they were! In my barely lucid state, I got so excited about this modern miracle, I'm afraid I might have ordered several sets.