What A Treasure Is The 'Sky Mall'

Or -- I hate flying so much I'm reduced to this.  Nevertheless, there it was in my lap -- a veritable treasure of weird and useless stuff for sale.  I feel that it's my responsibility to share at least a few tidbits with you.
For example --
If you suffer the ill effects of stress and tension (and who doesn't) you can relax away those pesky migraines and more without drugs simply by wearing the Head Spa Massager.
It will apparently melt away your troubles.  That's pretty impressive because I was just hoping it would melt away my stress and tension.  Apparently, though, it will actually melt away the source of said stress and tension.  Like an ice cube out in the sun, my daily commute will turn into just a puddle on the 210.  I'm not sure how that will happen or what will become of all the other cars.  We'll see.
All I have to do is fork over fifty dollars to the 'Sky Mall' people and start wearing my very own silver helmet Head Spa Messager.
I'm told by the 'Sky Mall' people that I can wear it at my desk, at work, or just around the house where, apparently, I am relaxing enjoying television.  The 'Sky Mall' people really know me, that's for sure.
It's rechargeable battery makes it really portable, they say, and I can get my 15 point massage vibrating my neck, back, and head any time and any place.  This will be good to know because I won't worry about whether or not it will work while I'm standing in the unemployment line.
Maybe I'm just being, I don't know, sensible but I can't help but think that any responsible employer would fire any employee (responsible or not) who showed up wearing one of those things.
But, my oh my, the "Sky Mall" catalogue is a sanity saver on long flights.
Trust me.