The Grammy Awards are my annual, last-ditch effort to catch up on the world of pop culture. So in no particular order, here are 10 things I learned from Sunday night's show:
1. Bob Dylan's singing hasn't improved with age, not one whit.
2. The Avett Brothers' "Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise" is more than just another song with a long title.
3. Take away the platinum-blonde hair and outrageous costumes, and Lady Gaga is a fairly plain woman with an overbite.
4. Eminem is the most likely candidate I've ever seen for spontaneous human combustion.
5. OK, scratch that. Eminem is the second most likely candidate for spontaneous human combustion, next to the frenetic singers, drummers and bicycle riders of Arcade Fire.
6. Winner of the best new artist that nobody's ever heard of award: Esperanza Spalding.
7. Why wasn't Gaslight Anthem nominated for something? Or Carrie Newcomer? Or anyone else I care anything about, other than Train and Neil Young?
8. Neil Young had a new song called "Angry World?" And it won for best rock song? OK, that's something I definitely didn't know.
9. Black jumpsuited Gwyneth Paltrow and Cee Lo Green, looking like a giant multi-colored moth, out-gaga-ed everyone.
10. Of all the Grammys handed out Sunday night, only one went to a group or song that I have on my i-Pod. Naturally, it was Lady A's "Need You Now."
11 (bonus). Justin Bieber, in addition to being a teenage girl's working definition of "cute," plays the guitar left-handed, just like Paul McCartney. Awesome.