Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Business of Aging

I’m a sucker for most of the soothsayers on TV and the internet that promise amazing results to combat the effects of aging. If fact, I keep a box of enzymes pills I bought two years as a reminder of one of these false prophets. I happened to be up in the wee hours of the morning with a horrible stomachache when I heard a voice coming from my TV. It was speaking just to me.
“Are you up when everyone else is sleeping?” the voice said sweetly.
I looked around and in my misery, I said, ”Yes.”
“Do you have a stomachache and often suffer from eating the foods you enjoy?”
I looked at the well-dressed swarthy man and said,
“Yes Dr. Pinkus, yes!”
This Doctor promised if I bought a three-month supply of his product I would not only be cured of my stomach ailments but feel ten years younger. It sounded so good. Dr. Pinkus looked so trustworthy and I was so weak. I reached for the phone and was talked into a six-month supply because, after all, it was going to change my life. I anxiously waited for my magic pills to arrive. When they did I followed all the instructions and envisioned myself as one of those passionate people on the infomercial. I’d be happily smiling as a confirmed Dr. Pinkus groupie.
I felt pretty good for three days and then, on the fourth day, the bottom fell out. I was not cured. Thinking that maybe I had contracted a bug of some sort I tried the magic enzymes again. No luck. Another soothsayer.

Since hitting the big “50” I have been more conscious of things that slow me down. How does this translate in real terms, two years later? Well, ads for products that promise to slow the aging process that at one time caused me to laugh, now get my full attention. I try to look the other way and not read the unbelievable claims but I admit it, it’s hard.

Recently, I have been reading about the “French Paradox” and the benefits of red wine. Hey, I can do that. A glass of red wine is good for me? Count me in! Upon further reading, I learned that one needs to consume about 1200 glasses of wine to get the health benefits of the substance that is contained in the skin of the grape. To get it in concentrated form you have to buy a supply online in liquid or pill form. Here we go again.


MaryWalkerBaron said...

Good to hear from you. We missed your voice.
Your post reminds me of Opus the Penguin and his complete inability to resist the late night infomercials.

Arava said...

That's me lately... thanks, always nice being missed.

Marnie said...

Aging can be wonderful as long as you realize your youth is gone forever. Don't waste time or money on trying to regain it. Instead, thank your lucky stars you're alive and well and can now sit back and enjoy the smaller things in life like taking a long walk and enjoying every step for example. You're only as old as you decide you are.